I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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