remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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