Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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