I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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