i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
