So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
