Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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