...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
