Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
