I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
