Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
