Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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