did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
That accounts for only three of the penises
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
