Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
