I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
