"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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