Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I understand Curling. That high.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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