So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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