i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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