coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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