im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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