His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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