My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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