I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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