i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
