I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
