I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
