your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I got inside last night via doggy door
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
