Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
