this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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