woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
