she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
A+ Viking dick
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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