I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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