Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Randomize
