Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
