Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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