so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Randomize
