I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
