dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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