There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
