ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
