no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
