My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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