I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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