I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
