i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i love accidental penises.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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