There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
