I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
