Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
