Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
