I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
