easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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