just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
