We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
