I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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