theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
